Happy Tuesday. I have cheated today and I have found a great article from the Huffington Post (a brilliant daily read for me). It is all about women making the first move with men. Hurrah!! I say. For those of you who know me, I have been single for quite a while and have had some really horrendous dates and some pretty yucky on line dating experiences. I have read the books and followed The Rules but to no avail. I then read this brilliant article and I know that I could ask a man out on a date....
Thank you to Renee Cutaia Olson who wrote this blog and is also a coach for women who are nervous about getting back out on the dating scene. Who needs a large gin and tonic before you take the plunge! Just read Rene's advice below and I am sure you will be asking away!
Have a great day.
The Advantages to Women making the first move.
It's traditional to wait for a guy to make the first move. Why is that, exactly?We are running corporations, being treated as equals, and taking the world by storm. Why does that have to be any different in the dating realm? Millennials and technology have reinvented the dating game, and the old traditions don't hold up like they used to.
I'm not claiming that you have to make the first move; it's just nice to give yourself the option. Here are a few reasons that it works:
1. Confidence is King
It's been said thousands and thousands of times, but confidence is completely sexy. What's sexier than going in for the kill? Trust me, I know the game - sitting extra close to him, angling yourself a certain way, all in hopes that he'll get the hint. If you make the first move yourself, you're not only ending the waiting game, you're showing him how self-assured you are. This shows him that you know you are High Value, which is key in starting a relationship. Mixed signals are gone, and he knows that you want him. Talk about a turn-on.
2. The Power of Making Your Own Decision
When you give yourself the option of making the first move, you're tuning into what you want, not just on what he wants. After all, it's not just about meeting people for the sake of meeting them - if you hope to find a relationship; you need to decide if this person is a good match for you. Was he interesting? Would he make a good partner? It's easy to neglect your own needs and focus solely on the first impression, which could backfire on you in the long run.
If you're open to making the first move, you can pay more attention to these things and determine that this is someone you'd like to move forward with. How many times have you kissed a guy just because he leaned in? This is a partnership, not a dictatorship - if you've enjoyed yourself and would like to take it to the next level, go for it. You're making the opportunity rather than waiting around for it, which is completely empowering. And empowerment boosts your confidence, which we've already determined is extremely sexy!
3. You Have Levelled the Playing Field
I hate the taboo 'you can't call him first' rules in dating. Who came up with this preposterous idea? Once you've shown him that you're not afraid to go after what you want, he shouldn't be surprised that you invite him to lunch a few days later unprovoked, or send him a flirty text. You should have the freedom to engage in this relationship, not just wait around for it. Believe it or not, it's still very mysterious. He's going to be interested to know what else you've got up your sleeve. This also gives you power to work together in taking things slow or heating things up in the future. It's becoming a partnership, so you're not a passenger in your own life.
4. Beggars Can't Be Choosers, but Choosers Don't Have to Beg!
When you make a mutual choice to be in a relationship, it's more likely that you're entering into one with a quality guy. Guys who are begging to go home with you before they know your name are not guys you'll likely hear from again. You know the type - trying to grope you at the bar, begging, "Come on, baby" - those guys are only interested in the moment and will continue to beg. Worthy men are typically much more respectful than our friend the touchy pub predator, they may be holding back purely out of regard for you - and doesn't want to rush into anything. Make the first move! He'll be delighted to know you're ready and move forward with a reciprocated respect.
5. You Have Nothing To Lose
Any guy in this position (having a sexy, confident woman make a move on him) is going to be thrilled. So many women today are undecided on what they want, or just generally flirtatious, and this establishes that you are neither. It also lets him know that you're self-aware and in tune with what you're looking for in a potential partner. Any guy who is scared off by your bold move is doing you a favour; because he clearly has too many insecurities of his own to be around someone as poised as you. If this is the case, happily move on! Making the first move shows you what kind of man you're dealing with early on, which can save you from unnecessary heartbreak later on.
Making the first move can make dating much more enjoyable, as the old, limiting rules no longer apply. Embrace the power you've been given, and enjoy the ride.